From The Blog

How to be happy… Happiness is a hot topic these days. Please know this: I am a therapist who shares. I have been told I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that may make some people feel uncomfortable, but for others it is refreshing to have someone to talk to who is on their level, has gone through and is going through the same stuff that they have and are going through, because, let’s face it, life is tricky!

Children display spontaneous happiness, until the beliefs that they are surrounded with get the better of them. I have been questioning the meaning of life since I was around 12 years old, ‘what’s it all about?’ I used to ask myself. Why do they say in church, ‘love one another’, when adults around me are displaying emotions which don’t feel like love: disappointment, dissatisfaction, a perpetual feeling that nothing is quite good enough, even anger towards one another and me, a little person who is trying to work it all out the best she can.  If love is the most powerful force, and the answer to the world’s problems, why don’t people use it more in their communications with one another? Thankfully adults are somewhat more respectful at least in their communications with children these day, I think on the whole…

Whatever energy you grow up surrounded by (and even thoughts are energy), that is how you learn how you see yourself and what to expect from life, we develop beliefs based on the beliefs we inherited and observed while we are growing up. We are like sponges until the age of 6 or so and have no filter, everything seems polarized into good (for me) or bad (for me), because until that age, I am the centre of the Universe, (I think). If someone in authority over me is disappointed or angry at something I did or did not do to their satisfaction I will start to believe that I am at fault, that it is me that is not good enough…do you agree?

We are so similar and yet obviously totally unique. We are so incredible, yet most of the time we do not see it, we judge and criticize ourselves for the smallest of perceived misdemeanors, ‘idiot, you forgot the milk, again!’ We have learned to be hard on ourselves, does it really help?

I believe we are moving away from the fundamental belief that we have to work extremely hard to be ‘happy’ that satisfaction in achieving goals equals happiness. Because although it is very satisfying to achieve goals, what about the journey? Can’t you be happy along the way too, knowing that you are good enough in every moment? Because when you achieve one goal, another one is going to come along and present itself to you to get you working hard again, until all you are doing is longing for the next holiday and you wonder where your life has gone.

We can find an inner sense of peace by being content to just be. To enjoy each and every moment, whether or not it is taking us in the ‘right’ direction. If we can nurture this sense of being, which is obviously not a new concept but one which our society has lost touch with in this competitive age, we may be able to be kinder with ourselves, and kinder to the vulnerable people we share our lives with, the young ones and the elders, who are trying to work things out day by day too.

Namaste

The World today is changing so fast. Have you ever thought that perhaps we are evolving as the world changes, each of us at our own pace?  Metaphysically as well as technologically. Perhaps we are the Mother Earth as she is us; we could see ourselves like the caterpillar which will change to a butterfly, but must first rest in darkness in a cocoon of ignorance getting ready to burst free into the sunshine of bliss. Before the caterpillar emerges as a butterfly it must first be transmuted, the imaginal cells must evolve, a painful and messy process (remind you of anything…i.e. what’s going on in the World today?)!

We are taught by the mystics that enlightenment comes when we let go of our ego, our separateness, and surrender to the divine, in the knowledge that all is one, that we are not separate, that we are all held, connected, protected, that we have very few needs in fact, and that by caring for others we are caring for ourselves. This is a common theme in all religions. It is the path of the spiritual warrior. Perhaps we are at war against ourselves, against our egos and what we think we want from life. Perhaps in the headlong rush to get what we want we have forgotten what we need… our connection to Mother Earth as well as our connection to ‘God’.

Many of us are on a journey of self-discovery, a mission to understand the meaning of life. To truly understand, we realize we have to let go, let go of the stories we have been telling ourselves which have been holding us back: ‘I can’t do that because if I do then this will happen’. We suffer from polarized and fearful thinking, many of us have not grown up and are stuck in our childlike minds. Not the ones we were born with, full of love and trust, but the 6 year-old self, who has absorbed all the fears and negativity from the conditioning of our early years.

The world seems like a fearful place, and when we think like that our fears are confirmed, as we reflect back to ourselves elements of what we are thinking. All around us is confirmation of a global negativity mindset, it is easier to buy into it than make the mental effort to change our mind, to resist fear and embrace love. However we need to understand that if we choose love, then love will choose us. The more we fall in love with life, and each other, regardless of our differences, the more life offers us in return.

Maybe not great riches, unless that is what our heart desires above all else, but better relationships, health, more joy, a better connection. When we push fear away repeatedly and change our mental set point to love, moment by moment, love will become our experience. Not necessarily fairytale love, someone to carry you off into the sunset and make your life better, but deep, unapologetic self-love, not conceit or ego mania, a symptom of lack of self-love, but a feeling of connection with the divine, with Source energy, our higher self, however you describe it.

I believe we must love ourselves so much and trust in the process of life, that it has our backs, without a doubt or any fear, that we become self-less, and then we won’t need more stuff or another person to make our lives better. And when we are ready, and our minds and bodies vibrate at the frequency of love, we will attract loving kindness and union with others who are also vibrating at that frequency. Otherwise we will attract people as sick and needy as ourselves, or worse, or indeed push people away, because lack creates lack, want creates more wanting.

We all need healing, now is the time, to go on a deep internal journey, to remove subconscious blocks which limit us and cause us to keep ourselves away from the light, for shame. We must let go of any negative feelings, like fear and guilt, while at the same time making wise choices which honour our selves and our mother, the Earth.

Peace, One Love

Emma Tubmen is a Wellbeing Enabler, complementary therapist, writer and mother, offering healing treaments in South London.

I am so grateful to be here right now, to be in this body with this mind, in this moment…but it wasn’t always and isn’t always the case, it has taken and will take practice: moment by moment I make up my mind to abide in a positive mental space, telling myself continually about all the things I am grateful for, such as: my family (even though we don’t always see eye to eye, they are my teachers), my friends (whom I would like to make more time for), my health (even the pain in my body is something to be grateful for because it is trying to draw my attention to something that I have not been paying attention to), my eye sight (what a gift, if you have it), my lessons (which I don’t always enjoy but which I am grateful for 😉 laughter (I love laughing), the abundance of Mother Earth (abundance is a state of mind), the love I feel for myself and all of humanity, this journey of life (even though it’s uncomfortable sometimes).

I am learning to let go of fear and live in the light of love. Fear is like the shadow side of love, nothing wrong with shadows, they make things look real, but a bright light can shine into a shadowy corner and the fear of the unknown is dispersed. Living in love feels better than living in fear, I choose love 🙂